3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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