What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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