it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
