stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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