am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
