and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
