Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
