I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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