how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
