booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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