The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
