The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
