Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
