I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
