Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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