You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
