I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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