The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
