I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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