Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
