im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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