I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
