One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
