I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
