I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
