Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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