In the future we'll all be gay
You're so nebulous sometimes
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
