I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
