For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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