my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
