I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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