I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
