Moan for me like Helen Keller
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
