This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
