the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
