i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
