I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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