Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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