I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
