i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
