I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i love accidental penises.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
