she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
