ya dads aren't the best wingmen
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
