she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
