I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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