I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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