Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My balls are so social today.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
