He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
