Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All the doctor said was why
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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