i permit you to call me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
