Buhtt sex?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
